Sell the world on love

Book Review

THE DIFFERENT DRUM by M. Scott Peck, M.D.,
Simon & Shuster, New York, N.Y.1987

In and through community lies the salvation of the world. Nothing is more important. Yet it is virtually impossible to describe community meaningfully to someone who has never experienced it – and most of us have never had an experience of true community…..Still, the attempt must be made.

In this book, Dr Peck attempts to describe the meaning of spiritual community, the stages of its development, and its importance to the individual and to the world.

Bases of Community

Dr. Peck tells us how he first stumbled into the experience of true community. As a boy he attended a prestigious boarding school where competition to belong to the “in” group was keen. For reasons he didn’t full understand, he felt unhappy there, even after finally becoming a member of this group. Peck then transferred to a small Quaker school, where he immediately felt accepted and loved. At this school, the boundaries between people were “soft” There were about two hundred students enrolled, all from different social and economic background, yet no one was excluded or made fun of for being different.

The disparity in his experiences at these two school compelled Peck to seek out other “belonging” experiences. In the army, and later while training to become a Psychiatrist, he finally found other groups where true community was achieved.

Peck defines community as “a group of individuals who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to rejoice together, mourn and make other’s condition their own.”

Today we live in relative isolation from others, both physically and emotionally. Often we don’t know the names of our next door neighbors. We give the impression of confidence, that we have it together – because it is considered “weak” to express emotions like anxiety or depression. We feel we must be strong, rugged individualists. But true community helps us overcome these defensive barriers, freeing us to express our true selves.

There are two main characteristics of such a community:

(1) A community is inclusive. Groups that exclude anyone for any reason are not true communities but cliques. Genuine communities always reach out to extend themselves. Members are of a community commit themselves to one another. Decisions that affect the group are arrived at by consensus.

(2) A community emulates the real world. It embraces members with many different points of view, who as they work their challenges through together, come to share and appreciate the many different facets and dimensions of each situation.

True communities are bonded by and intense vitality. Anyone involved in a group crisis, a flood or an earthquake for example – has seen how this works. Suddenly everyone is vitally concerned for others and more than willing to help. However, problems usually crop up once the crisis is over; and the “crisis community” dissolves into one of four self–destructive responses: “flight” (among group members for control), “paring” (into alliances that set the community at odds), or “dependency” (choosing leaders) Sometimes all four responses emerge to feed on each other.

Dr. Peck has conducted hundreds of community-building workshops. Participants usually pass through a for –step process as they struggle towards community.

1. PSEUDOCOMMUNITY. Commonly the first response of a group trying to form a community is to fake it. In this superficial situation, everyone tries to be pleasant in order avoid conflict, but people remain evasive, hiding their real feelings. A group of sophisticated professionals, for example, may seem to get along very well, forming and almost “instant community.” However, different ideologies and unvoiced resentment are probably hidden under a layer of sophisticated social skills, and may surface rapidly. Without proceeding through the second and third steps, the process of reaching true community is only delayed.
2. CHAOS. “Chaos” centers on well-intentioned but misguided attempts to heal and convert”. In this phase, each person seeks to advance his or her “cause.” It is during this stage that individual differences are first brought out in the open. And unfortunately, groups in chaos frequently seek to overcome personality or philosophical differences by attacking their leaders or by forming sub-committees to solve their problems, instead of facing them and working together. Still, open chaos in a church congregation or company work team is preferable to pseudo community; it’s a painful stage, but only by way of this pain comes the understanding that differences must be acknowledged and dealt with at anew level of relationship.
3. EMPTINESS. There are only two ways to do away with chaos: by organization (which isn’t community) or by emptiness. Emptying ourselves involves putting aside any personal feelings that are acting as barriers to communication. Expectation, assumptions, preconceptions, motives, prejudices, ideologies, prefabricated solutions, and the need to heal or convert, fix, solve, or control, are all “given away.” When a friend is grieving, we can either be like Job’s friend in the Bible, who gave him “curative” advice (which often makes us feel worse), or we can shared his pain. Just being there to listen is often what really makes a difference.
4. COMMUNITY. When emptiness is finally achieved, the group enters community 0 peaceful and trusting atmosphere of resolution. Individuals are now given the freedom to be vulnerable and genuine as they deal with the various social challenges that present themselves. In this stage, sadness and grief are readily expressed, as are laughter and joy. And finally, a comfortable consensus in decision-making ensure. Group members become individually more eloquent and expressive; as a group the become more gentle.

Communes and Communities

The driving concept behind most communes is that all members should adhere to the same schedules, rules, ideas and behaviors. But the key to creating true communities is to accept and welcome the fact that we are all different. It sounds nice to say, “Underneath their skins, Russians are really just like us,” but that is simply not true. A Russians idea of freedom and democracy has been shaped by a cultural hierarchy distinctly different from ours. What is considered normal n one culture is considered abnormal in another. Even conceptions of good and evil are, to a considerable extent, culturally determined.

But human beings have the unique capacity to change, to be transformed. By excising this capacity, we can surpass our own individual backgrounds, to both experience and transcend the differences between cultures.

Both personal and collective changes occur through augmented spiritual development, which is cultivated in four stages:

Stage I: Chaotic, antisocial. A stage of undeveloped spirituality. The Stage I person is selfish, disordered, and generally incapable of loving others.

Stage II: Formal, institutional. The stage II person, typified by many churchgoers, is usually attached to the forms rather than the essence of the his/her religion, and may quickly take offense at anyone who attacks these forms. Personal stability and outward appearances are very important.

Stage III: Skeptic, individual. The stage III person is often referred to as a “nonbeliever” because he is given up being “conventional” He thinks independently and often deeply involved in social causes. An advance stage III individual is an active truth-seeker.

Stage IV: Mystic, communal. This is the stage of unity. A person arriving at stage 4 sees an underlying connectedness between herself, or their creatures, and her surroundings. With little or no outside prodding, and as a confident yet humble, self-governing human being. She reaches out to others in recognition of the whole world as a part of her community.

“Mystics” comprehend the value of emptiness. Rather than being frightened by the enormity of the unknown, they acknowledge it and immerse themselves even deeper into it, that they may understand more. Likewise, we can, despite our differences, unite to form communities of caring friends and associates; we can transcend bigotry, selfishness, “ownership,” and learn to solve problems in empathy and love.

Many variations exist among individuals in these four phases of spiritual development. Some of us may bounce back and forth between stages; many may feel threatened or intimidated by those functioning in the upper stages of (III or IV). Certainly, parents, teachers, ministers, friends, and neighbors – and that includes everyone in the some capacity – should be aware of the threat the may represent to those in different stages of spiritual growth. But the paradox remains that it is hard to lift anyone else unless we are already in a more spiritually discerning position that the person we seek to lift.

These four personal spiritual sages are analogous to the development of community. The hardest stage of community formation is to achieve – and return to – emptiness. “Emptiness requires work. It is an exercise of discipline and is always the most difficult part of the process that a group must undergo if it is to become a community”…..For emptiness always requires a negation of the self ….a sacrifice.”

In order to make a significant change in our lives we must give something up, and consequently must go through a form of depression.

The Solution: An Expanding Community

Inasmuch as small communities have been successfully established, why not extend the idea of community to entire neighborhoods and schools – even to countries and to the world? In fact, progress is being made towards forming a global community. Individuals are slowly becoming more aware that communication is the key to the effective functioning of any group enterprise – a marriage, - a marriage a corporation, a unified world. Sadly, though, the institutions that can tip the balance between war and peace – the arms-race nations, many charitable organizations, unions, churches – have barely been touched by the concept of community.

Peck notes that in democracies “we the people” elect our leaders. Thus it is up to us to begin peacemaking – or, community making. Learn to communicate with peoples of other cultures by first learning to commune with your family and understand your neighbor, Peck urges establishing peaceful communities where you are, and let your influence spread “Sell the world on love”